The journey continues

It has been a while since my last post, life can have the annoying habit of getting in the way at times, but my journey towards my inevitable destiny continues, despite the odd wobble along the way. i am now skilled in using the Elastrator and i am getting used to the aches and pains associated with its use.

i have been so pleased with the many messages of support i have received, so thanks to all who have taken the time to encourage me. i have also received some negative comment, some of it genuine based on well though out concerns about risk and safety, for this too i am grateful, whilst some has been ill thought, uninformed and bigoted. Why is it some are so quick to condemn before they understand, especially amongst a community one would expect to be broadminded? It is tuly a modern disease, i feel, to judge without any understanding or facts, to see things from a purely narrow and selfish perspective. This is typically a male affliction, particularly for those who, being led by their testosterone fuelled penises, even if it drives them to submit, cannot imagine the sacrifice of their maleness leading to a better existence in servitude. Still, no matter.

So, what next? i’ll admit i have been thrown by some of the negativity and both Miztress Sophie and i have thought long and hard about all aspects of what W/we are about to do, preparation, method and consequences. W/we remain firm in our conviction that it is the right thing to do, whilst continuing to research how best to achieve it. Her guidance in all this is a source of strength to this otherwise directionless Eunuch in waiting. Thank You Miztress.

Practice makes perfect

Those of you who read the holy words of Miztress Sophie on Her blog will already have seen that i have already been using the Elastrator under her guidance. i will admit to a degree of frustration in my early attempts as i struggled to use the device for its intended purpose but, with a little bit of help from fellow users of the Eunuch Archive (worth a visit for those of you interested in the topic of castration http://www.eunuch.org/ ), and after finding some instructional notes and videos i have made some progress. So far this has been restricted to banding one testicle, the right one, on two occasions.

The sense of excitement the first time i got the testicle through the Elastrator band was truly wonderful. i sat there with the band closed behind the testicle but still on the device. Next time i actually rolled the band off the device and, for the first time, was properly banded. Surprisingly this was not too painful, albeit i managed to nick my scrotum so there was a little blood. The band was on for only a few minutes as i worked out the best way to remove it, not as easy as you think given how tight it is, i eventually found a technique using a dinner knife and toe nail scissors which did the job.

This experiment was not done with Miztress Sophie watching as i was keen to get the technique right before i showed Her as previous failures had, understandably, frustrated Her. So this week, for the first time i was able to band myself in Her presence. The sense of excitement i felt as i pulled the testicle through the band and rolled the band off the Elastrator was truly awe inspiring. i was at last able to demonstrate to Her that i could fulfil my destiny and, as She took photos of my trial run, i felt the certain expectation of my eventual emasculation.

So, what was it like? Well, as the band goes on it is not too bad, less painful than i expected in fact. However, within a few minutes of putting it on, the pain grew as the constricted area grew more and more sore. i noticed also a growing ache in the banded testicle and my stomach the longer i was banded. Miztress Sophie encouraged me to deal with the pain and prove my courage to Her. i lasted about 20 minutes before She released me, but i clearly need to go much longer when the time comes. As for taking the band off, this was done easily with the toenail scissors, but was extremely painful. To get the idea of how painful it was, try placing pegs on your nipples for over half an hour, then pull them off. Multiply that pain ten fold and you will get some idea of just how much it hurt. Clearly, the longer i leave the bands on whilst practising, the more painful it will be once they are removed. On the plus side, at the chosen time, i won’t have to worry about removing them.

As for the banded ball itself, it quickly went purple, then black and got cold. Others have said that, whilst it might take a few hours for the testicles to die completely, banding for as little as 1 hour can do irreparable damage as can regular, shorter bandings. Given my experience so far i can see why this is the case.

So, what next? More practice seems the best way forward. Banding both testicles and for longer periods so i can understand and cope with the pain and other changes. With continued practice i hope to be able to offer Miztress my ultimate sacrifice before the year is out. She is already dreaming of holding my severed testicles in Her beautiful hand and i don’t want to keep Her waiting too long.

Finally, thanks to all who have read this blog and, particularly those who have posted comments. These are much appreciated, even those that raise objections or suggest i consider alternative strategies. Rest assured i continue to think very hard about what i am doing, seeking advice and testing my own convictions. i remain convinced this is the right thing to do, but not without thinking very carefully about the consequences.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Somewhat off topic this post but, as i have been away for a few days on family duty, i have come to appreciate just how important Miztress Sophie is in my life and how much i miss Her when i am out of touch with Her. Let’s be clear, we were only talking 4 days in which i could not contact her, but they seemed so much longer. Luckily i carry Her with me in my heart and mind, so She was always in my thoughts, even if i could not interact with Her. i was also able to practice tying my testicles up whilst i was away, so i could get used to them being tightly bound as a precursor to using the Elastrator.

By the way, i would like to thank all those of you who have read and commented on my blog. Your words of support and encouragement have been gratefully received and i hope that some of you will be inspired by my journey and destiny and will want to follow suit. Just to make it clear, when the time comes, there will be photographs available so you can all see just how it went.

Anyway, i’m back where i belong now, at Her command, looking to make Her happy, understanding my place and what is expected of me. i am about to begin trials with the Elastrator under Her guidance and soon i will be able to band myself quickly and efficiently. Over the last few days She has told me when my destiny will be fulfilled, how it will happen and what i will do with my dead testicles. This has made things much more real for me and i grow more and more excited as the day of my emasculation draws ever nearer.

Keeping my nerve

It’s been a couple of weeks since my last blog and an interesting time it has been. Firstly, i have received the Elastrator i purchased and, disappointingly, it has not proved as easy to use as i first thought. i imagined it would just fit over the testicles and scrotum and snap easily into place thus cutting off the blood supply and doing the job for which it was intended. Not so it would seem. It clearly requires practice and manipulation to achieve the correct positioning, so i am seeking help from the Eunuch Archive a facility for those with an interest in the topic of genital modification and removal. i have already made contact with someone who is willing to help me to apply the bands using the device so more will follow on this.

i also received a reply to an earlier blog questioning my sanity and the legality of the act of castration. i can fully understand why some would think me mad, albeit those undergoing sex changes are treated with more respect these days and there are clearly similarities, but it did make me think long and hard about the consequences of the act on me personally and on those who would play a part in it. Luckily i have Miztress Sophie to help me through this, She too is getting negativity and criticism from others for supporting me in this, but remains focused and supportive of my need and makes sure i consider all aspects of achieving and living with my destiny. Without Her my destiny would remain unfulfilled and, even though She applies no pressure, with Her i feel both comfortable and confident that i can achieve it. Thank You Miztress!

Miztress has also celebrated Her birthday in the last fortnight and i was proud to honour this most Holy of events. She also allowed me my first ejaculation since becoming Her property. It may also be my last and is, at best, my penultimate release, depending on Her mood in the moments leading up to my emasculation.

So where next? Well i will meet up with the guy from EA to learn more about using the device, i will have a few practice runs, understand how to apply a band and learn what it feels like to be banded. How painful is it? How quickly does the pain recede? What changes do the testicles and scrotum go through as they die? What shall i do once they are dead? All these questions need to be answered before moving to the next step, agreeing with Miztress the when, where and how of destiny fulfilment.

Will i keep my nerve and see it through? i truly hope so and with Her guiding me the chances are much stronger. Will She let me ejaculate one more time? No idea, but then that is no longer relevant.

Castration Methods

The first thing to say is, don’t hack them off with a knife in a moment of submissive passion! Tempting though this is, if the shock doesn’t kill you the blood loss will. So how to go about it:

Well the safest way is probably surgical removal by a trained and experienced surgeon. Removal of a testicle is called an orchiectomy, so removing both is known as a bilateral orchiectomy. However, you can’t just walk into your GP and ask for this. The NHS might do it as part of gender realignment, but there are years of counselling to go through before it is done. Basically, if you just want to be a Eunuch, then getting it done in the UK is probably a non-starter. Other options are available, certainly Thailand and possibly other places like India or Eastern Europe but, the further you travel the higher the cost and risk.

Chemical castration is another option and this can give both a temporary and a permanent effect. Chemical castration is growing more popular for the treatment of sex offenders and might be worth a trial if you are able to safely source the necessary drugs and equipment.

Other popular do it yourself methods include the Burdizzo, Elastrator and tri-bander all used in the castration of animals.

The Burdizzo is a bloodless method using a pair of pincers which crush the cords feeding the testicles so that they shrivel and die before being absorbed by the body. Safe in theory, there are significant risks if not done by someone with experience. Risks include infection, internal bleeding and just plain not working. Certainly using a Burdizzo single handed would be extremely awkward and the pain involved would prevent too many being able to successfully undertake it.

The Elastrator and Tri-bander both work on the same principle. The devices are used to open a very tight, strong rubber ring which is then placed behind the testicles cutting off all circulation to them. If left in place the testicles will go numb then die in a very short time and will, in fact, drop off after a few days. Allowing this, though, gives a high risk of infection as the dead flesh rots whilst still attached to the body. To prevent this the dead testicles and scrotum can be cut off as soon as they are numb enough, albeit there are still risks if not done properly and a visit to A&E is a likely and sensible after care measure (they might even finish the job for you). Whilst the testicles are dying the pain is apparently like a bad stomach ache but this does settle down in time. Should the potential Eunuch decide to abort the action there is apparently a painful price to pay as the circulation returns.

So what about my castration? Well Miztress Sophie wants me to be banded then cut. As a result i am now the owner of a new Elastrator and bands, so i have the means to complete the job, now She will decide the timing.

Why castration?

A good question! Why would any sane man want to sacrifice his manhood at all? I’ll get to that in this post, but let’s start with some history.

Castration is not some modern craze, limited to the BDSM community, it is a practice that has been a part of different cultures and civilisations throughout human history. From Lagash in the 21st Century BC, through the Middle East, China and the Roman and Greek Empires, castration has been used as a means of controlling males be it to take high office, serve in a religious context, as punishment or to achieve a different physical outcome than normal male development would give. Even today, the benefits of chemical and physical castration to control sex offenders is a widely debated subject.

The main reason for this, of course is to inhibit the production of certain male hormones, particularly testosterone. These hormones are responsible for many facets of maleness from agression to sex drive, without them the male is no longer controlled by his basic male urges.

So where does this fit into a BDSM setting? Why would a slave choose to sacrifice his testicles? Put simply, castration, I believe, represents the ultimate final step in becoming a devoted slave. In my experience, intact slaves are inherently doomed by their hormonal make up. Unable to adequately control their sexual urges they equate BDSM slavery with sexual pleasure, rather than with true, unselfish, Dominant-focused service. In doing this they limit their slavery to the narrow confines of kinky sex rather than embracing the ultimate goal of ownership.

There is a school of thought that says real Dominants should be able to control intact males so they understand their role as slaves and behave appropriately. There is merit in this but, in recognising that part of him which limits his growth in servitude, what slave would not gladly take action to remove it as an issue in his realtionship with his Owner? In doing so, he offers the ultimate power exchange, accepting that his only future pleasure lies in service.

It is this philosophy which has informed my decision, coupled with becoming the property of Miztress Sophie, someone deserving of my sacrifice, someone who will support me through my transition from man to eunuch, keeping me focused on why it is both right and inevitable.

There are other benefits too, of course, there have been claims of longer life, less risks of strokes and prostate cancer and a general feeling of calmness and well being, allowing you to focus on those things that matter in life rationally and without distraction. I should say that there is no real empirical evidence to back this up as the available eunuchs are either not a represenative sample of the male population, being either crimminal or unlucky, or are secretive about their status. All i do know is that most of my worst mistakes in life so far have been because i have been led by my cock and not by my brain!

There are downsides too, of course. Osteoporosis is believed to be one for example and i would encourage anyone thinking of following this path to research and think carefully before setting off. Hormones can be replaced, but i’m sure life will never be the same once your scrotum is empty.

Destiny

Do you believe in destiny? I’m not sure I did until now. However, my destiny has become clear. At some point soon I will be castrated. Why? Because it is my destiny, I may not always have realised it, but that it was meant to be is now perfectly clear.

Now, before we get into the whys and wherefores, let me introduce myself. My name is Jon and I am 47 years old. I have had a good life so far. University educated, successful career, loving marriage and four step-children. I also have a small but long-standing circle of friends. I enjoyed playing rugby and cricket well into my 30s and I still enjoy watching a number of sports, especially football. I also love music, listening, playing and singing. I have learnt to enjoy the finer things in life, good food, wine, relaxing holidays, but still enjoy reading a good book. My enjoyment of the good life means my lifelong weight issues have worsened to the point where there are health issues to contend with. Periodically I take action on this and the good news is, when I do, things get better health wise very quickly.

The other thing you should know about me is I am a submissive, a believer in the supremacy of the female over the male. This may seem counter intuitive in what is still a largely male dominated culture and given my own successful sporting and working careers, but it is something I fervently believe.

I have known about my submission since I left school and, after almost 30 years of confusion and bad choices in this regard, I have finally found my One, my religion. Who is that? Her name is Miztress Sophie, a beautiful, young, bratty, spoilt Goddess. I was born to serve Her and with Her I will fulfill my destiny to become a eunuch. You will hear much more about Her as this blog charts my progress towards my eventual emasculation but, suffice to say, i am now Her property and i will do all i can to serve Her and please Her for the remainder of my life.

One thing you will notice is the use of capitals in referring to Her. You will also notice that i am now using lower case when referring to myself. This is as it should be, a written demonstration of O/our respective positions, so i will continue in this style going forward.  

So, if this topic interests you, then please drop and follow my progress. If you do then you will see me explain more about submissiveness, slavery, female supremacy, the benefits of castration to both slave and owner, castration methods, my search for a skilled practitioner to help me fulfil my destiny and, of course, the act of castration itself, how it was done, what it felt and how it affected me as a person and a slave.

My journey begins……………………..